


Soft in the Head

by esmerod



Category: Star Trek: Picard
Genre: Angst, Character Study, F/M, Introspection, Narek is a creep, Obsession, Unrequited Love, not so utopian UFP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:56:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25712446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esmerod/pseuds/esmerod
Summary: Narek reflects on his choices after he's taken into custody by Starfleet. Character study.
Relationships: Soji Asha/Narek
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16
Collections: Star Trek Bingo Summer 2020





	Soft in the Head

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Star Trek Bingo 2020, prompt: Spy/secret agent/assassin

Narek was trying to meditate. It wasn't a particularly successful endeavor, mostly due to the fact that the cuffs holding his wrist together behind his back were just a bit too tight and the general noise level of his guards just a bit too loud. Getting arrested by Starfleet hadn't come as much of a surprise and had – quite unsurprising, too – led to him being dragged aboard a shuttle en route to Earth to stand trial. He tried to convince himself that he was OK with that, he deserved it, after all. But just like meditation, self-deception wasn't a particularly successful endeavor for him either…

Narek grimaced and jiggled his cuffs a little, trying to rearrange his hands into a slightly more comfortable position. It drew a nasty glare from one of his guards who whispered something along the lines of ‘Romulan scum' under his breath. Narek didn't react. He was used these kinds of slurs. Even before the newest revelation, which most certainly wasn't going to do the already strong prejudice against his people any favors, Romulan refugees hadn't been popular.

He took a deep breath and tried to center himself. He had another eight hours in a small shuttlecraft with too many disgruntled people ahead of him, and he didn't need them to beat him to death prematurely. But then, that wasn't supposed be the Federation way, was it. The corners of his lips curled up in a self-deprecating smile. He'd been brought up to doubt the propaganda of the others and at the same time been fed the ideologies of his own lot. It was ironic. Especially now that it had turned out to be wrong - everything he'd ever been taught turned out to be wrong. The synths weren't the menace he'd been indoctrinated to believe and Ganmadan had been cancelled.

A laugh escaped him. It immediately drew an angry guard over, phaser at the ready. "What's so funny, pointy ear?"

"Oh, nothing nothing. Just a good day to be alive." He could see the guard's hand twitch; it was clear he wanted to hit him. It almost felt like a loss when he didn't. Narek lowered his gaze and the guard walked away.

He missed Soji. It was so achingly clear to him now. He'd been so proud when she’d powered down the beacon, and for the fraction of a second, he'd indulged in the fantasy of running over there and kissing her. Of course, it wasn't an option. He knew he'd squandered his chance when he’d decided to follow orders and kill her. And oh, how it hurt. He loved her, that had never been the lie. He had even told her the truth about his real name. Part of him had obviously assumed she'd take it to her grave along with his heart, and as such it didn't matter if he told her the truth. But as it turned out, he couldn't have been more wrong.

He chuckled, and this time the guard really hit him. It left his ears ringing and stupid smile plastered on his face. The guard retreated in disgust. And Narek realized that he was glad. Soji lived and Ganmadan had been averted. Sure, he was on the way to be buried in some black-ops facility for the rest of his insignificant life and the girl of his dreams hated him, but things could've been worse... probably.

He started giggling, tears collecting in the corners of his eyes. The guard stormed over. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" he screamed with his arm already up to send Narek into sweet oblivion when another guard stopped him. "Don't! We'll both be in trouble if he arrives at HQ all black and blue."

The guard lowered his hand, grumbling, but let off him. "He's lost his marbles. These extremists are all soft in the head."

Narek continued giggling. Oh, that was a good idiom! He felt indeed a bit soft in the head. The guards ignored him, and he was left to his own devices.

Something wet was on his face. It took him a moment to realize that is was tears streaming down his cheeks. He tried to wipe them on his shoulder, but that turned out to be another not particularly successful endeavor.

He sighed. The longing for Soji was almost overwhelming. He wondered what she was doing right now. Had she stayed with the other synths or had she succumbed to the Admiral's lure of righteous adventure and exploration? Probably the latter. She had a curious nature. That had after all also been his angle when he'd approached her on the artifact. He remembered their first encounter fondly, even though he'd told her about as many lies as truths. But things had changed now.

His vision was cloudy while he tried to inconspicuously watch the guards. They weren't paying him any attention, probably too put off by the waterworks. Good.

He really wanted to see Soji, watch out for her. Sure, they'd never be together again, but maybe he could make sure… well, she could certainly take care of herself, his failed murder attempt proved as much, but even synths weren't immortal. So, someone should watch out from her, from the shadows, she didn't need to know about it. And even as a Zhat Vash washout, he still had some skills.

His vision was focused now. The guards were immersed in their own conversation. He jiggled the cuffs some more and finally got a better angle. Making amends from prison would be impossible, and Picard and his ragtag crew were not reliable enough to take care of this huge responsibility. He'd have to do that himself.

His deft fingers worked the lock expertly. Soji had once commented that she thought he had very elegant hands. The memory of it made him smile a little. Then, the lock clicked. He smiled some more.

The end


End file.
